I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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