Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
