I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
