I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
