My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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