I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
where are you?
Hypothermia
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
