he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
