well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
