He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
