i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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