Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
