piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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