There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
