***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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