Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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