Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
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