Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Im part way to drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
