He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
40s are totally the cure
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
