Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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