Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
