Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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