I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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