you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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