he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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