I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
