is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
