my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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