I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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