did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
