I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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