Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
