Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
