I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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