Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
