I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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