Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
