I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
