final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
