My cat gives me a boner
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
high people should be assigned attendants
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
