She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
