Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
