I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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