So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
pop tarts are not kleenex
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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