people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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