Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
