she was so not down for the gang bang
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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