I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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