does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
