Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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