he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
