I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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