Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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