Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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