Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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