Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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