Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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