The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
