just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
