i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
