Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
