My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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