Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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