So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
