i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
