it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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