No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
