I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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