I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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