you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
