I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
