You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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