You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
