Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
