i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize