We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
