If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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