woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
