True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
