I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
you never un-have a 4some
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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