I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
